


Name That Term

by PattRose



Category: Battle Creek (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Slash, Talking, joking, laughing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 08:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Russ and Milt discuss football terms while lying in bed one night. Milt asks all of the questions and Russ tries to answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Name That Term

Name That Term  
By PattRose  
Summary: Russ and Milt discuss football terms while lying in bed one night. Milt asks all of the questions and Russ tries to answer.

 

 

Russ was holding Milt in his arms, after a wonderful time making love to him. The two men just lay in bed holding on to each other. At least until Milt had to talk. He couldn’t be anywhere without talking for too long.

“Have you ever thought about football terms and how sexual they sound?” Milt asked.

Russ smiled. “No, honestly, I never gave it a thought.”

“You’re going to love this discussion. I’m going to take you through the terms in order, so that we don’t leave any out. Hang on a minute, I have to get my book of terms,” Milt said as he jumped out of bed and grabbed his terminology book for football and got back into bed.

Russ enjoyed seeing a naked Milt bounce from one end of the room to the other. Yes, he loved his Milt.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Astroturf**

“You know, Russ, this is just asking to be made fun of. First it has the word ass in it and then they’re talking about turfs. As in, your ass belongs to me, so your astro is on my turf.”

Russ laughed softly. “Well, I’ve been called worse than that, so I guess being your Astroturf isn’t too bad.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Backfield**

“I like this word, it’s very suggestive. There is a field where you’re going to be lying on your back. Yup, that’s my sort of field. Don’t you agree, Russ?”

“I sure do. Keep going, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Running Back**

“I’d like to think that I fuck you so well that you’d just keep running back for more. What do you think?”

“Milt, I know, I’d come running back for more. I always do.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Half-back**

“This is when you’re putting your shirt over your head and I can only see half of your back.”

Russ burst out laughing and said, “Milt, I think that’s maybe pushing the term on that one.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Fullback**

“This is when I ask you to take your shirt off and you turn around to throw your shirt off at the same time, so I’m exposed to a full back.”

“Has anyone ever told you, that you have a one track mind?”

“Yes, you,” Milt answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Ball Carrier**

“Babe, if you need your balls carried, you know I’m your man. I’d like to think that each of us is our own ball carrier until we need to rest them a bit.”

“You’re cracking me up, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Beat**

Milt bursts out laughing before he even says anything. “This is when I take your cock and beat it. And as you come, the crowd goes wild.”

“What crowd?” Russ asked.

“Me, you silly goose.”

“You’re calling me a silly goose, Milt?”

“You’ve got a point.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Bump-and-run**

Both men are howling at this. “I’d like to think that anytime we bump, we want to run, so this is a good one for us. I love bumping and running with you.” Milt was quite pleased with his statement this time.

“I like when we bump-and-run too,” Russ answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Clipping**

“Okay, this one’s not that funny. Actually I can’t even think of anything funny for this one.”

“I’ve got one, Milt. This is where I clip your hair before we get the razor out, so you have no anal hair.”

“Good one, Russ. You’re right, there is one for that.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Coverage**

“I’d like to think that we both give good coverage. You wrap me in your arms so well, that no one could get to me. And I hope I do the same for you.”

“You do, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Dead Ball**

“This is when we’re both exhausted after fucking two or three times. Our balls are dead.”

Russ laughed and said, “I know this feeling all too well.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Double Coverage**

“I think this is when we’re both holding each other. No one can slip past us, Russ.”

“I agree.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Down**

“Down, boy, down.”

“I have to agree on that one. We both say that to each other, so that’s a good one.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Drive**

“Who gets to drive later on tonight, Russ?”

“It’s my turn, babe. Remember, you promised I could drive later?”

“Oh yeah. Okay, you’re driving later. So there we have a driver.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Eligible Receiver**

“Russ, you are always eligible to me. I like you as the receiver.”

“I know you do. But I like you as my eligible receiver too.”

“We’re both eligible, who knew?”

“I knew, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **End Zone**

“You have the best end zone I’ve ever had the privilege to visit.”

“I sort of like yours too.”

“Sort of?”

“I’m hot for your end zone, Milt.”

“Much better.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Fair Catch**

“We were both available and therefore a fair catch. I asked you out and you accepted, so that was that,” Milt said smiling.

“What are you talking about? I asked you out first.”

“Are we going to fight over the catch?”

“I guess not,” Russ replied.

Milt beamed, because he knew he was winning again.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Field Goal**

“You are going to go for a field goal in just a little while, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah. I’m getting hot discussing these terms,” Russ said.

“Want me to turn the fan on?” Milt teased.

“Not that kind of hot and you know it, babe.”

“No more playing the field for us. We’ve reached our goal,” Milt said sweetly.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **First Down**

“That would have been you tonight. I had you stripped and on the bed so fast that it wasn’t even funny.”

“I would hope it’s not funny.” Russ winked at Milt.

“It should say easy first down. Then that would be a perfect description of you.”

“Thanks a lot Milt.”

“You’re welcome.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Forward Pass**

“This is what you do to me, in order to get me in bed. You touch, kiss, talk and cajole until I move to the bedroom. You’re very forward.”

“I love laying passes on my main man,” Russ said, smiling.

“You’re a really good passer, too,” Milt answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Foul**

“This one’s easy, it’s when you don’t take a shower and ask me to eat you.”

“Gross, Milt. I never do that.”

“I know, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. But that is what a foul is. Not being prepared.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Fumble**

“We don’t like to discuss fumbles, do we Russ?”

“So I came a little early this morning. I couldn’t help it. You make me super hot.”

“Okay, I’ll let you off the hook then.”

“Milt, are you saying you’ve never fumbled?”

“I never said that.”

“Good, because I could point them out for you,” Russ replied.

“What are you doing, keeping track?”

“You betcha,” Russ answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Goal Line**

“This is a lot like field goal, but it’s just the place, not the deed.”

Russ laughed and kissed Milt.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Goal Post**

“This is in case someone is really stupid and can’t find the hole.”

Now Russ was howling.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Going For It**

“This is simple, we both just went for it and that was all she wrote.”

“Agreed.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Hand-off**

“This is when you’re too close to coming and I touch your dick. You tell me to get my hand off,” Milt joked.

“Well, actually that’s true. I have said that a few times.”

“Good, I wouldn’t want to be a liar in this discussion, since it’s so important and all.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Holding**

“This is what we’re doing right now. I love when you hold me. I don’t think the football players like it, but I sure do.”

“Nope, the football players don’t like it at all. I love it too.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Home Game**

“When we decide to fool around somewhere besides the SUV or the parking lot, then that is a home game.”

“I love home games,” Russ said.

“I do too. I mean, I like goofing around in the SUV, but home games are the best.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Incomplete Pass**

“Thankfully, neither of us has had one of these. I hope we never do, but I hear that you do as you get older.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Thanks for what?” Milt asked.

“I am older,” Russ replied.

“But you’re still completing them, so hush up.”

“Okay,” Russ kidded.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Interception**

“You know when we’re in the middle of a talk about something sexy and Kim walks up and says, good morning? That is what is known as an interception.”

Russ smiled. “That would be an interruption. Interception would be someone else trying to get our balls.”

“You’re right again, Russ.”

“Could you say that once more, Milt?”

“Hush…”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Line of Scrimmage**

“The place where we want to play,” Milt joked.

“Well, basically it is. This is usually our line of scrimmage right here on the bed.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Live Ball**

“I’d like to think that our balls are always lively. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would agree on that.” Russ said, as he snickered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Loose Ball**

“I think this is when perhaps something gets away from you. Like you were planning on fucking somebody, but instead you just humped his leg.”

Russ burst out laughing. “Milt, that only happened one time, stop being so hard on yourself. You were just horny.”

“I’m a loose ball, Russ.”

“Yes, you are.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Man-in-Motion**

“Oh, I like this one. This is usually you, Russ. You’re always putting the moves on me. Not that I’m complaining, but you’re my man-in-motion.”

“Good, I like being that for you.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Midfield**

“I think I would say this is about the kitchen.”

Russ howled with laughter. “I can’t believe how much thought you’re putting into these.”

“Do you think it’s somewhere else?”

“No, I agree, I just thought it was funny.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Offending Team**

“Women in general…they would be my offending team.”

“Holly is sometimes the offending team. I’m just saying…”

“I’ll tell her that she’s the offending team and leave it at that,” Russ said.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Offside**

“This sort of goes back to the other one about wanting to fuck you, but instead I humped your leg. I was offside.”

Russ howled with laughter again. “Yes, you were offside.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Open Receiver**

“Oh man, this one is you. You’re always open.”

“Are you saying, I’m easy, Milt?”

“Yes, I am. You receive very easily.”

“Okay, just wanted to be sure of that.” Russ laughed and kissed Milt soundly.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Pass Protection**

“Easy, peasy. We’re always using pass protection.”

“You’re easy peasy, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Pass Rush**

“When you don’t slow down enough for the protection part, then you run into the pass rush. You and I try not to do this, but we’ve done it a few times.”

“I agree,” Russ said.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Personal Foul**

“Do you think this is when you say something shitty to me in the middle of love-making?”

“I say shitty things to you while we’re making love?” Russ asked, somewhat appalled.

“No, I just mean someone, not you. I think that would be a personal foul.”

“For crying out loud, this is just us. Way to go and scare a person,” Russ said.

“Sorry, babe.”

“It’s okay, I just panicked for a moment.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Play**

“Another easy one. All we have to do is look at each other, and the play is in motion.”

“You are so right,” Russ agreed.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Play-clock**

“I would hope that you wouldn’t time us, but I never put anything past you.”

“Very funny. There is no clock when it comes to our lovemaking,” Russ answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Playoffs**

“This one wouldn’t work for us, would it babe?”

“No, because we’re not going to play against anyone but each other. Although we could have our own playoffs with you trying to outdo me. And then there would be me trying to outdo you.”

“I like the sounds of that. Maybe we can make playoffs work for us,” Milt said.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Possession**

“I like this one. You belong to me and I belong to you. Possession works for us,” Milt said.

“It sure does work for us. I’m thrilled to be your possession.”

“As I am yours, babe.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Previous Spot**

“I love this one. You know tonight when you wanted to cuddle and I said move over more your way? That’s because the previous spot was wet and I didn’t want to lie in it.”

Russ laughed loud and hard. “I knew that.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Punt**

“You’re always trying to get it in, so this is going to be your knick name. Russ Punt Russ.”

“Very funny. I’m not the only one that does that, you know?”

“I know, but I love teasing you first.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Receiver**

“We’ve covered this one, somewhat. We’re both receivers and love every bit of it. Am I right?”

“You’re always right, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Red Zone**

“You had this the other night after making love twice. You’re hole was really red. So we’ll start calling it the red zone.”

“One of these days, I’m going to be able to get you back for all of the things you say and do to me.”

“You don’t like what I do to you, Russ?”

“Of course I do, that’s why I’m in the red zone.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Rookie**

“Easy! It’s a virgin to either gay sex or bottom or top. What do you think?”

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Rush**

“We never rush each other when it comes to lovemaking.”

“Wait a minute, you do all the time. You get so hot and bothered that you have to do it right then. So you do rush,” Russ informed Milt.

“Well, that’s pretty shitty of me, don’t you think?”

“No, it makes me hotter for you when you get like that. Not to worry, Milt.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Sack**

“Bed. Hit the sack. Yes, he shoots and he scores,” Milt hollered.

“Wrong game, Milt.”

“Oh yeah.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Safety**

“We covered this earlier. We’re always safe unless I go crazy from looking at you. Then it’s as safe as we can be,” Milt said smiling.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Spiral**

How I feel when you get done making love to me. I’m like a spinning top,” Milt said.

“Thank you, Milt.”

“You are most welcome, Russ.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Spot**

“I know where your spot is, do you know where mine is?”

“Come here and I’ll touch it for you,” Russ said.

“Not yet, we have to finish this first,” Milt said.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Stiff Arm**

“This is what happens when I’m gone all day and you have to satisfy yourself and you get a stiff arm,” Milt joked.

“I’ll show you a stiff arm,” Russ teased back.

“Not yet, we’re almost done.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Tackle**

“I know someone who loves to tackle and fall back on the bed,” Milt kidded.

“I do love tackling. Basically I love having you in my arms.”

“I’m so glad.”

“Me too,” Russ answered.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Territory**

“I also know someone that doesn’t like to share and doesn’t want anyone in his territory. Gee, I wonder who that could be?” Milt continued to tease.

“I’m not going to apologize for loving you and wanting everyone to stay away from you. You’re mine, no one else’s. And yes, this is my territory and I don’t want anyone else in it.”

“Now grunt and blow air out of your nose as you push your legs back like a bull,” Milt kidded.

“As I said before, I’m not going to apologize.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Third and Long**

“That’s what we did on our day off. Three times and both of us were long.”

Russ burst out laughing.

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Turnover**

Gosh, this one is so easy. All I have to do for sex is say turn over.”

“Very funny. I happen to know that you like seeing my face when you love me, so therefore this one wouldn’t work for us. Either of us. Unless of course, you got up in the morning, after a night filled with love and decided to make turnover’s. Then it would work for us,” Russ explained.

“You’re not getting turnover’s. They are too much like cookies or donuts. Suck it up, tough guy.”

“Right this second?” Russ asked wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“No, not this second. I just meant, get a grip,” Milt said.

“Now you want me to grip it?”

Finally Milt started laughing and said, “I know I can’t win this, so you can win this time.”

Russ smiled. “Victory, at last.”

^^^^^^^^^^  
 **Winning Percentage**

“We always win with you and me, babe,” Milt said sweetly.

“Yes, we do. So basically our life is like a football game, isn’t it? We have the same calls, the same rules and the same fun. Yup, football and sex could be almost one in the same,” Russ decided.

“I think football players would disagree with you about being one in the same,” Milt said, evilly.

“Yes, I imagine so,” Russ said

“So, do we want to use some of these calls and terms to have some fun, tough stuff?”

“I would love to have fun, get over here and punt,” Russ said.

“I thought you wanted to punt,” Milt asked.

“I changed my mind, no one punts as well as you do.”

“Can we be in the red zone?” Milt wondered.

“You can make my zone any color you want, Milt.”

“So you’re saying you’re an eligible receiver?”

“Yeah, Milt, I am.”

“Are you ready for some football?” Milt sang out.

“Hot damn,” Russ said.

“Tonight there will be no safety, we’re using no pass protection, just old style fooling around,” Milt whispered softly into Russ’s ear.

“Works for me, Milt. Play, baby, play.”

The end


End file.
